Alison Stephenson asks do we really need to crayon our butts to feel good about ourselves?

Photo: Amy Schumer

You came, you saw, you contoured.

But it turns out contouring is no longer just for the face. It’s for legs, abs, collarbones, arses and now, it’s also for your boobs. We’ve officially reached peak contour ladies and I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Just last week, a video posted by Australian beauty blogger Natalie Boucher showing you how to make your boobs look three cup sizes larger in six minutes went viral and has now been watched over 4.67 million times.

In her video “HOW TO GET BIG BOOBS!” Boucher shows her “tips and tricks for how to go from small, little boobs to nice, big, accentuated boobs”.

Using no fewer than eight different types of creams, shimmer powders and bronzers with just as many brushes, the 21-year-old Brisbane local buffed, blended and bronzed her way to a pair of double D’s.

What you realise after six minutes of staring at Boucher’s boobs is that her secret last step is to “put on your favourite push up bra”.

If only we’d known that six minutes ago.

Contouring, a makeup trick which used to be reserved for runway models and photoshoots, has now become part of many women’s daily beauty routines.

Thanks to celebrities such as Kim Kardashian and the thousands of beauty bloggers/vloggers out there spruiking tutorials, we all feel like we’re becoming beauty experts who are painting our faces like a tub of Neapolitan ice cream.

RELATED: Don’t panic, Kim Kardashian’s abs are fake!

The only problem is, contouring and blending is so much bloody work it’s practically cardio. I’ve watched 1429 tutorials and I still don’t know how to do it quickly, or properly.

Gone are the days where less is more and we could swipe on a bit of BB cream and be out the door in a jiffy.

These days you’ve got to watch three different YouTube videos and five Instagram tutorials before you can even think about putting on a singlet top.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

And even if you did, there’s so much room for error when you’re painting tiger stripes all over your face and body that things can go from pretty to pretty scary, pretty quickly.

Where once we were just highlighting our faces to accentuate our cheekbones, brides are now being told to contour their collarbones on their wedding day, women are being taught how to contour the back of their neck (we’re serious) and literally draw curves onto our butts.

Anyone telling you that you need to contour your butt, needs to contour their priorities.

I mean, when is anyone ever going to see your butt for long enough that you need to draw it on with crayons? If you answer with ‘at the beach’ surely all that swimming and sitting in sand can’t be good for a butt full of foundation and concealer?

While we’re all for embracing the positive power a little makeup can offer, it’s getting out of hand.

Here are five signs your contouring has gotten out of control:
  • Your abs wash off in the pool
  • You’ve used half your contour palette on your boobs
  • You spent so much time contouring you missed the party
  • You think contouring your calves is a substitute for leg day
  • You look like an extra from The Lion King on Broadway

So after all the days, months and years we’ve wasted blending, buffing and bronzing, here’s hoping this new trend catches on: Non-touring. And spending less time in front of the mirror.

October 12, 201612:51pm

beauty | body+soul

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