Apart from knowing when there is a 30 per cent chance it’s already raining.

Big boobie girls can I get an ‘Amen’?

You take your bra off around a person without big boobs and they are awestruck at the size of the cups

Fun fact: It doesn’t take long before someone puts it on their head and jokes, “It could be worn as a hat.”

You wear button up shirts NEVER

Forget about it. Should you choose to wear a shirt with buttons you spend the whole day giving a jokey shrug of acknowledgement about the fact there is a huge gap in your top revealing your lacy bra.

“Lacy bra?” LOL!

Your bras are hardly ever sexy – If you actually read the paragraph above you and you’re over a D you would have scoffed at the mention of a “lacy bra” because… as if! Minimisers people! When your ta-tas jiggle even during a brisk walk to the train station in the morning you can only spend your days wrapped up in thick strapped, bland coloured minimisers to push them bad gals in their place.

If you forget your sports bra you can forget exercise

You can’t workout without serious support and you wince at the thought of women who do.

Cozzies are all about mixing and matching

While your busty chest might have come teamed with a plump derrière they’re hardly ever the same size. So, while bikini shopping you’re forever trying to match colours and patterns together in so you can grab a two-piece swimsuit that looks like it was made in the same factory.

They’re a good excuse not to do any upper body workouts

“Ummm… no I can’t do that workout because my giant breasts get in the way of that.”

The concept of ‘pregnancy boobs’ is positively terrifying

There’s just no way that these can get any bigger!

You haven’t slept on your stomach since the 00s

Really though.

You take a comfy bra in your beach bag

Two triangle pieces of fabric anchored around your neck via Lycra string charged with holding up your giant fun bags for hours? Ummm… no thanks.

The bras you really need haven’t been invented yet

How many spaghetti strap dresses do you actually have sitting in your closet that you’ve never worn? Too many, that’s how many.

A loose top is not your friend

You look like a giant beast in a loose top. Your personal mantra; ‘Better to wear no top than a loose top.’

When you go into a bra shop and they condescendingly tell you what size you “actually are”

Every different underwear brand has decided they would like to measure breasts completely differently, but hardly want to account for the size of your actual breasts.

You know that wide-eyed look of a boob guy who finally gets permission to touch your boobs


You can follow more from Jessica Vander Leahy on Facebook or on Instagram @jessicavanderleahy.

July 22, 20164:28pm

Beauty | body+soul

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